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shorty99
User

Posts: 1,068
Does anyone have any jokes?

on Monday, April, 07, 2003 8:19 AM
I think if anybody got tired they could just look back here and have a laugh or two.


An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!"
His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?"

He simply replied, "Just playing bed football."

Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7."

The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?"

He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!"

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foilism
User

Posts: 1,064
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Monday, April, 07, 2003 5:10 PM
LOL!!

ok: a snail enters a pub on new year's eve to celebrate. As he enters, the crowd in the bar parts, everyone gasps. The snail slides to the bar and asks for a pint. With a bemused look, the barman says; "We don't serve you kind" he grabs the snail and kicks him outa the door as hard as he possible can.

The next New Year's eve the snail enters the bar again. The crowd parts, everyone gasps. The snail slides to the bar, and says to the barman, "What did you do that for??"buy viagra onlinehttp://www.bilimselbilisim.com/haberler_detay.aspx?id=42 viagra online


 
Hikaru.EXE
User

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Sunday, June, 05, 2005 6:43 PM
An immigrant goes up to the border and tries to get by...

The border patrolman says, "I'm sorry you don't have a passport so I can't let you by...

but I'll let you by if you can use the words green, pink, and yellow in a sentence."

The immigrant pauses for a moment and then says, "I was in my house when the telephone went green, green, green! So I pink up the phone and say, "Yellow?""buy viagra onlinehttp://www.bilimselbilisim.com/haberler_detay.aspx?id=42 viagra online


 
FreedomForever
User

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Sunday, June, 05, 2005 6:59 PM
Why did the chicken cross the road?

42.
Figure that out.
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FreedomForever
User

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Monday, June, 06, 2005 7:04 PM
Here's one:
(there is a swearword in this joke, I will substitute "goshdarn")


A boy is shooting hoops by himself an a basketball court. A preist, walking by, stops to watch.

The boy shoots, and misses.

Boy: "Oh, goshdarn it, I missed!"
Preist: "Don't say that! You'll be struck by lightning!"
Boy: "Whatever."

The boy shoots again, and misses.

Boy: "Goshdarn it, I missed!"
Preist: "If you say that again, you'll be struck by lightning!"
Boy: "Whatever."

The boy misses again.

Boy: "Goshdarn it, I missed!"

The preist gets hit by lightning, and a voice is heard from on high....

God: "Goshdarn it, I missed!

Lol!
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Prankster bit
User

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Saturday, June, 11, 2005 7:38 PM
I have jokes, but they are either too vulgar, or anti-American [those ones have been passed on by friends]
and not to risk losing my spot here at TS, i choose not to post them. [on a public area anyway, those really desperate can PM me]buy viagra onlinehttp://www.bilimselbilisim.com/haberler_detay.aspx?id=42 viagra online

words of wisdom from...

PranKsTeR BiT V2.0



 
Compucore
User

Posts: 4,419
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Saturday, June, 11, 2005 9:57 PM
Hre is a list for ya.

50 Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab!!!

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say "Oops, I forgot."
16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all pbuy viagra onlinehttp://www.bilimselbilisim.com/haberler_detay.aspx?id=42 viagra online

2 Legit 2 quit

End of line

Compucore

VROOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!

To compute or not to compute that is the question at hand. Tis nobler to compile in C++ or in TASM.


 
Compucore
User

Posts: 4,419
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Saturday, June, 11, 2005 10:03 PM
A mordern day guide to operating systems anyone?

A Guide to Modern Operating Systems
Unix
You shoot yourself in the foot.

DOS
You keep running up against the one-bullet barrier.

MS-Windows
The gun blows up in your hand.

Windows NT
The gun is so huge and unwieldy that you have to keep swapping it from one hand to the other.

OS/2
The gun and the bullet aren't speaking to each other any more.

Mac Finder
It's easy to shoot yourself in the foot -- just point and shoot.

AIX
You can shoot yourself in the foot with either a .38 or a .45.

IRIX
The Terminator shoots you in the foot. A T-Rex bites your other foot.

SVR4
The gun isn't compatible with your foot.

Minix
You learn how to shoot yourself in the foot with a Saturday Night Special.

Linux
Generous programmers from around the world all join forces to help you shoot yourself in the foot for free.

HURD
You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot Real Soon Now.

VM/CMS
IBM shoots you in the foot.

VMS
\FOOT\ ambiguous: supply more toes.

AMIGA-DOS
The gun works pretty well, except that few people use one and it's impossible to find bullets.

Mach
The bullets work pretty well, but they don't make guns for it any more.

Cray
You shoot yourself in the foot with an Uzi.

MasPar
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2 Legit 2 quit

End of line

Compucore

VROOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!

To compute or not to compute that is the question at hand. Tis nobler to compile in C++ or in TASM.


 
josh.exe
User

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Tuesday, June, 14, 2005 10:48 PM
there was a boy his teacher asked him to learn 4 spanish words.
he asked his mom she was on the phone he asked her she said SHUT UP!
he asked his brother he was watching batman
he asked he said batman nanana-nanana
he asked asked his sister who had just got a date YESSS
he asked his dad who was doing the bills he said sh*t


so the teacher asks him to tell so he says SHUTUP
she says who do you think you are?
BATMAN NaNANA-NANANA
do oyu think i'm an idoit?
YESSSSSSSSSS
what do you think this school is made out of
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Boingo_Buzzard
User

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Wednesday, June, 15, 2005 12:11 AM


Josh.... cool avatar! I sat there and watched it for like 5 minutes.

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Prankster bit
User

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Wednesday, June, 15, 2005 6:43 AM
compucore, my best friend has actually done abnout 70% of what is on that computer lab list, now THAT is crazy.buy viagra onlinehttp://www.bilimselbilisim.com/haberler_detay.aspx?id=42 viagra online

words of wisdom from...

PranKsTeR BiT V2.0



 
Compucore
User

Posts: 4,419
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Wednesday, June, 15, 2005 7:41 AM
I did one prank myself over here. I had gotten a program which was a Stay in resident program. Which when you were working in DOS. And you should happen to hit a character on the keyboard. It would srite and say something on the screen/speaker at the same time. She and her friend were freaking out when ever they touched that machine. The tech, professor and themselves thought that it was possesed by somerthing. I was hiding my laughter so much I couldn't contain myself over here. I eventually Told all of them about it. and how to get rid of it. I had told the professor that it was something really really silly.that anyone could use of friends.

They thought that it was funny afterwards and wanted a copy of it when the whole thing was done. Luckily it wasn't a virus at all.


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2 Legit 2 quit

End of line

Compucore

VROOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!

To compute or not to compute that is the question at hand. Tis nobler to compile in C++ or in TASM.


 
DaveTRON
User

Posts: 5,305
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Wednesday, June, 15, 2005 1:03 PM
OK, my best joke.

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down and says "Whiskey please."

The bartender say's "That's $5.00".

The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a $20.00 bill, sets it down and says "Keep the change."

As the bartender reaches for the $20, the man reaches for his drink. As he does, a little man runs out of his coat and kicks over the glass with an evil little laugh and runs back into the man's coat.

The bartender is stunned, and the man say's "Another Whiskey please."

The bartender pours, never taking his eyes off the guy's coat. He sets the glass down in front of the guy, and the guy pulls another $20.00 out of his pocket. "Keep the change" he says again and reaches for the drink.

Again, the little man runs out of his coat, kicks over the glass and laughs maniacally as he runs back into the guy's coat.

"Another whiskey please" says the man. The bartender, finally getting his wits about him says "Buddy, before I pour another glass of whiskey for you I gotta know what the hell that is?"

The man looks him in the eye and says "I was out walking in the forrest one day when I heard a voice crying out in pain. I found a small man trapped with his foot in a bear trap. I freed him from the trap, he told me he was a Leprechaun and I could have two wishes as a reward."

"My first wish," the man continued, "was that every time I put my hand in my pocket I'd pull out a $20.00 bill."

"My second wish was for a 10 inch prick, that's him".


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DaveTRON

 
Prankster bit
User

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Wednesday, June, 15, 2005 1:38 PM
i've gathered myself, and i'm going to tell you this joke. you might have heard it before. it is quite vulgar, with references to a certain sexual method [indirectly]. but it is my favourite ever. please don't penalize me, i'm just trying to entertain [the people aged 15+]
here it is:

two guys [let's call them carl and gary] were out having a round of golf, when another guy came up and asked if he could join them

"yeah, sure." they said. they got chatting and carl asked the new man "so what do you do for a living?"

the man replied "well i'm actually a hitman."
"i don't believe you" said gary.
"it's true, look"

the man opened his golf bag, and inside was a sniper rifle

"woah!" said carl "can i look through the scope?"
"i don't see why not"

carl picked up the sniping iron and looker through the scope

"hey, i can see into my house. wait, there's my wife. hey, she's naked! w-wait, my neighbour is there as well! he's naked too!. now i'm mad!"

"how much do you charge per hit?" asked carl

"I charge £1000 every time i pull the trigger"

"i want 2 shots. one on my wife's mouth, for all her nagging, and one on my neighbour's penis, because i think he really is one."

the hitman set up his rifle, and spent almost 5 minutes aiming

"why are you taking so long?" said carl

the hitman replied "shh. shut up! i'm about to save you £1000!"buy viagra onlinehttp://www.bilimselbilisim.com/haberler_detay.aspx?id=42 viagra online

words of wisdom from...

PranKsTeR BiT V2.0



 
DaveTRON
User

Posts: 5,305
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Wednesday, June, 15, 2005 4:18 PM
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great joke Prankster!buy viagra onlinehttp://www.bilimselbilisim.com/haberler_detay.aspx?id=42 viagra online

DaveTRON

 
Prankster bit
User

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Wednesday, June, 15, 2005 4:23 PM
DaveTRON Wrote:ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great joke Prankster!

and i'm not gonna get told off for putting that on a public forum? i was a bit cautious about putting that on here.buy viagra onlinehttp://www.bilimselbilisim.com/haberler_detay.aspx?id=42 viagra online

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PranKsTeR BiT V2.0



 
TheReelTodd
Sector Admin

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Wednesday, June, 15, 2005 5:31 PM
Prankster bit Wrote:..."why are you taking so long?" said carl

(punch line)



That was great!

And it will be circulating around the office I work in tomorrow morning!
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DaveTRON
User

Posts: 5,305
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Wednesday, June, 15, 2005 5:58 PM
I don't care, I'm not an Admin here anymore.

I put out the 10 inch prick joke too!


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DaveTRON

 
FreedomForever
User

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Wednesday, June, 15, 2005 8:02 PM
LOL, Prankster, and Compucore! PB, yours was GROSS and FUNNY! I love jokes! Even (especially?) disgusting ones.buy viagra onlinehttp://www.bilimselbilisim.com/haberler_detay.aspx?id=42 viagra online


 
Boingo_Buzzard
User

Posts: 0
Re: Does anyone have any jokes?

on Thursday, June, 16, 2005 12:15 AM
DaveTRON Wrote:ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great joke Prankster!


Indeed! Bravo!!!!!

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