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 Tron 3.0 Review Topic


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DJ Aussie E.
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Posts: 359
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Friday, April, 15, 2005 11:44 PM
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Boingo_Buzzard
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Friday, April, 22, 2005 7:58 PM
Hello... here's some (hopefully helpful) criticism.

Descriptions about shapes seems a little.... sterile. I know that things in the Tron universe actually are mostly geometric shapes of some kind... but descriptions like "gray ring with yellow squares" doesn't really evoke any images for me. Maybe you can flush things out a little more by making some analogy or perhaps describing it's function or something. A very tough thing to do with a Tron fanfic, I know!

I like the concept of a foreign language in the computer. Why shouldn't there be? Very original!

Description of action sometimes doesnt flow very easily. Sentences like "The ones without those triangular objects produced ones and turned towards the woman." kind of tripped me up a little. It seems a little methodical and maybe some kind of not so linear narrative might help with this. The "show me don't tell me" concept.

I thought the description of being on a lightcycle for the first time was good.

You're good at dialog between characters. It was easy to follow and flowed well.

Nice description of what comes out of an I/O node on the other end.

Very good job. Hope my comments helped.
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Conduit
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, April, 23, 2005 9:07 PM
Boingo_Buzzard, thanks for the comments. I completely agree with you about the criticisms. I'll try to describe things with analogies more in the future. I've noticed that my descriptions of action tend to be a little clunky. I'll see if I can write things less linearily.

As for the foreign language, I meant that to be the datawraith's encryption. Though I suppose that technically is a foreign language, though.where to buy abortion pills online an abortion pill buy abortion pills online


 
DJ Aussie E.
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Posts: 359
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Thursday, May, 05, 2005 6:54 PM
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Blue Hero Kid
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Sunday, May, 15, 2005 1:38 PM
Kamui Wrote:ARGH! It's the Legend of the Frenchman part 2! Dave versus BHK! Who will emerge victorious (YAY! DAVE!) and who will be eatin' grid (*coughbhkcough*)?

Yes. The Frenchman has an interesting story that reminds me of DaveTRON and the BHK situation.

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Conduit
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Wednesday, May, 18, 2005 6:28 PM
Chapter 4 up. Sorry it took so long, I spent a few weeks trying to work past my writers block, and I eventually decided to just post it as is.where to buy abortion pill ordering abortion pills to be shipped to house buy abortion pill onlinewhere to buy abortion pills online order abortion pill buy abortion pills onlinei need to buy the abortion pill how to order the abortion pill online order abortion pillmedical abortion pill online abortion pill buy abortion pills online


 
FreedomForever
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Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Wednesday, May, 18, 2005 7:16 PM
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Conduit
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Tuesday, May, 24, 2005 7:58 PM
anyone else have anything to say? By the way, I just added a quote to the beginning like you find in some books.abortion pills online http://www.kvicksundscupen.se/template/default.aspx?abortion-questions cytotec abortionwhere to buy abortion pills online an abortion pill buy abortion pills online


 
FreedomForever
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, May, 28, 2005 1:17 PM
Bhk has done it again! Someone who can, delete that post, PLEASE! Also, GOOOD STORY! where to buy abortion pills online an abortion pill buy abortion pills online


 
Boingo_Buzzard
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, May, 28, 2005 1:42 PM


Very good installment. Sets up a lot of the backstory and gives us some idea now how it's going to tie into the Tron 2.0 universe.

Your dialouge, as always, is very good and flows quite easily. I was left wanting more information about who these other characters were (the ones who found the baseball), and that's good. You're whetting the reader's appetite for more info and that's always a good thing.. keeps 'em hooked.

I liked your description of pain in the computer world, and also, this time seeing communication from the REAL world as opposed to from inside the computer.

Your story is starting to develop and you're providing hooks for the reader to keep them interested in what might happen next.

Your writing has definately improved since your first chapter.

Really good! Keep going!

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DJ Aussie E.
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Posts: 359
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Tuesday, June, 07, 2005 8:42 PM
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FreedomForever
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Wednesday, June, 08, 2005 6:09 PM
Boingo_Buzzard Wrote:

Your writing has definately improved since your first chapter.





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DJ Aussie E.
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Posts: 359
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, August, 27, 2005 2:04 AM
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Boingo_Buzzard
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, August, 27, 2005 3:07 AM
FreedomForever Wrote:
Are you saying his first chapter wasn't good?

No, I was saying his second chapter improved on the first.


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Conduit
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Wednesday, December, 28, 2005 8:59 PM
Chapter 5 is up. This one's kind of short.

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FreedomForever
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Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Thursday, December, 29, 2005 1:24 PM
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Conduit
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Monday, January, 02, 2006 1:11 PM
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Conduit
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Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Thursday, January, 19, 2006 6:14 PM
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gRiD_89a
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, January, 21, 2006 9:10 PM
i really liked it man, yah i like the idea of what pain feels like
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clu_backup
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Posts: 98
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Tuesday, May, 02, 2006 6:02 PM
conduit, you definitely have writing talent! I'm impressed. You describe things vividly, and it's full of action. Keep it up.where to buy abortion pill abortion types buy abortion pill onlinewhere to buy abortion pills online an abortion pill buy abortion pills online


 
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