Tori,

Your fanfic is really good. You have a good writing style and it flows really well.

I am assuming you want some constructive criticism as well, so here's a few things that jumped out:

* This seems like an alternate universe to the original Tron story right? If so, I’m cool with that, in fact I think it’s very original.

* I enjoyed seeing the user of Ram (insurance salesman, right?) and would have liked to have seen more with him and Tori. I thought that exchange was the best in the story.

* I think the programmer of Ram would have known what a "user" is.

* I LOVE Photoshop as a program. I would have liked to have seen more development of him. Maybe a flamboyant, artistic, kind of attitude. More flippant and playful than Tron and Ram.

* Are Yori and Tori one in the same? (Sorry if I am missing some Tron 2.0 storyline, I haven’t played the game much yet)

* You are good at dialogue between characters. It flowed evenly and without bumps.

* I would have liked more of a description of getting rezzed into the digital world, I think. It seemed to quick.

* Sark confused me. What was his purpose? Is he supposed to be more mysterious? Even Tron seemed surprised by his existence. I can't help but feel he's still menacing in some way. I would have gone into Sark a little more.

* The interaction with the calculator program was great! Very original!

That's about it. I look forward to more!

Tori Wrote:I am now working on more of it! er... I created the Tori character long before realizing that her and Yori's names rhymed.. I only really realized that a few days ago (No, they aren't the same character..) Photoshop is kinda mean to them, but in a playfull sort of way. (That was the only program name I could think of, and I developed his character for a Theatre project.) Uh...I guess I'll try to go more into Sark later in the story. The reason that Tron and Tori were suprised by his existence, of course, was that he was supposed to be derezzed. If you were missing a Tron 2.0 storyline, I guess I'm missing one as well, because I STILL can't get that stupid game to work! For some reason, I'm having some difficultys posting the next chapters....

Interesting that you decided to pick on Sark here. (Then again.... he IS a very interesting character. He kinda reminds me of Haku from Spirited Away (Which is a good movie. I highly recomend it! ^^ ) But that's going to be saved for another topic. ^^;; )

You've got a pretty interesting fanfic going on. I really wish you'd add more. ^^

~Kamui.EXE

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