"Science isn't about why! It's about why not! WHY is so much of our science dangerous? WHY NOT marry safe science if you love it so much? In fact, why don't you invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on your way out because YOU ARE FIRED! Not you, test subject, you're doing fine. Yes, you. Box your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye."

-Cave Johnson (Portal 2)

"Alright, so I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON lemons DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna have my engineers, invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"

-Cave Johnson (Portal 2)

Mordecai9 Wrote:"I'm a little teapot, short and stout, Here is my handle, here is my... (looks at other side of itself) Oh s***, I'm a sugarbowl." I heard this from my dad.

My dad has that one also. I don't know where he got it.

Okay, this one came about because I was writing a report on the solar system, and my focus was Jupiter, Saturn, and their moons. Mom was checking over it, and it turned out that instead of 'Europa's surface consist of a layer of ice, 6-19 miles thick, over a liquid ocean 60 miles deep....' I'd written 'Europa's surface consists of a layer of mice, 6-19 miles thick, over a liquid ocean 60 miles deep....' Anyway, mom pointed this out, and, after we'd stopped laughing...

Mom: "And do you know why Europa is not covered in mice?"
Me: "Okay, I'll bite. Why is Europa not covered in mice?"
Mom(with a completely straight face): "Because it has a large population of gopher snakes."
My response(because of the way mom said it): "Really?"

Then I realized what I'd said, and we started laughing all over again.

"An African zoo would probably contain commonplace animals around here, like dogs, cats, deer, birds, and groundhog." -Kosh.0
"BLEEPBLEEPBLEEPBLEEPBLEEPBLEEPBLEPBLEPBLEEPIDYBLEEPIDYBLEEP.
BLEEP. If you can figure out what I just said, god bless you."-Kosh.0

Lady: "Okay, let's say that he's constipation..."
Man: "I don't wanna be constipation."- Laxative commercial

"Hey. Mordecai, why don't I introduce you to the "Edit Post" button?" ~Me

ShadowSpark Wrote: Mordecai9 Wrote:"I'm a little teapot, short and stout, Here is my handle, here is my... (looks at other side of itself) Oh s***, I'm a sugarbowl." I heard this from my dad. My dad has that one also. I don't know where he got it. Okay, this one came about because I was writing a report on the solar system, and my focus was Jupiter, Saturn, and their moons. Mom was checking over it, and it turned out that instead of 'Europa's surface consist of a layer of ice, 6-19 miles thick, over a liquid ocean 60 miles deep....' I'd written 'Europa's surface consists of a layer of mice, 6-19 miles thick, over a liquid ocean 60 miles deep....' Anyway, mom pointed this out, and, after we'd stopped laughing... Mom: "And do you know why Europa is not covered in mice?" Me: "Okay, I'll bite. Why is Europa not covered in mice?" Mom(with a completely straight face): "Because it has a large population of gopher snakes." My response(because of the way mom said it): "Really?" Then I realized what I'd said, and we started laughing all over again.

Wait, what did you say?
God fearing atheist

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Join Date:Jul 2008
Location:Currently residing in my mind's eye
Posts:2,767 Re: Raccoon bites off rapist's penis
Originally Posted by VoldtaEngler

"WTF? Three licks to get to the center of a raccoon's a**hole?"- Ajax Knuclebones

You used the "Edit Post" button on me, didn't you?
Because I did NOT type "God-fearing athiest" at ANY TIME while composing that post.

"me: why is it upset? Shouldn't it be downset?
gideon: i will file a lawsuit against the dictionaries first thing tomorrow morning. we're going to tear merriam a new a**hole and throw webster inside of it.
me: you are such a dork.
gideon: only if you catch me on a good day."- excerpt of a conversation-type thing from "will grayson, will grayson," taking place between gay Will Grayson and his friend Gideon, who is also gay.

"Helicopter d*ck, do the helicopter d*ck..." -Andy "The Boss" Sahmburg: SNL
"I am Barry F-ing Gibb!"- Jimmy Fallon as Barry Gibb: SNL

"No, I meant that you couldn't make love to the cake." -Me

Mordecai9 Wrote:"If you ever do that again, I will shove your head between your legs and strangle you to death with your p*nis. Got it?"- me.

You're walking into dangerous territory, bro.