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WiseHacker
User

Posts: 187
RE: Funny Quotes

on Tuesday, July, 05, 2011 7:24 AM
No really a quote but a darn funny story that has been doing the rounds on the Internet for years. I got it from this link (http://mistupid.com/jokes/msvgm.htm) but many other copies appear everywhere else.

Microsoft vs. General Motors
At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Apple would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

I personally came up with this one.

11. If you change all four tires, you have to re-register the car and get new number plates.


 
ShadowSpark
User

Posts: 2,871
RE: Funny Quotes

on Tuesday, July, 05, 2011 4:05 PM
Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!


{A very big thanks to FlynnOne for the pic! And to Wulfeous for sharpening the details!*huggles both*}
{Because people always seem to guess wrong, I'm saying it here: I'm female!!! And my name is Spark!!!}

Letters sent to Disney regarding Tron Uprising: 4

Tron Lives!

If you're against bullying in all its forms, including cyber-bullying, copy and paste this into your profile or signature!
 
Mordecai9
User

Posts: 54
RE: Funny Quotes

on Tuesday, July, 26, 2011 8:21 PM
"Check please!" -Princess Bubblegum, Shelby the worm who lives in Jake's violin, and B-MO; ADVENTURE TIME WITH FINN AND JAKE.


 
ShadowSpark
User

Posts: 2,871
RE: Funny Quotes

on Tuesday, July, 26, 2011 10:21 PM
"Okay, this can function as a sonic blaster, a sonic cannon, and a triple-fold sonic disruptor. Doc, what you got?"
"I've got a sonic, er, never mind."
"What?"
"It's sonic, okay, let's leave it at that."
"Disruptor? Cannon? What?"
"It's sonic, totally sonic. I am sonicked *up*!"
"A sonic *what*?"
"*Screwdriver*!"
-- The Doctor and Captain Jack Harkness, Doctor Who, Episode #10 "The Doctor Dances"


{A very big thanks to FlynnOne for the pic! And to Wulfeous for sharpening the details!*huggles both*}
{Because people always seem to guess wrong, I'm saying it here: I'm female!!! And my name is Spark!!!}

Letters sent to Disney regarding Tron Uprising: 4

Tron Lives!

If you're against bullying in all its forms, including cyber-bullying, copy and paste this into your profile or signature!
 
Mordecai9
User

Posts: 54
RE: Funny Quotes

on Sunday, August, 21, 2011 11:52 PM
On the creation of a tea made of two parts oasis leaf and one part Belle tart seeds:

Luke: "Well..."
Layton: "Well..."
Luke: "Um, Professor? I think I'm going to throw up."
-Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box; Tea Set minigame


 
EXODUS
User

Posts: 430
RE: Funny Quotes

on Tuesday, August, 23, 2011 1:05 PM
"If music be the food of love, then why do the Eurythmics keep serving up Spam and Chips all the time?"

(Melody Maker magazine).


 
Mordecai9
User

Posts: 54
RE: Funny Quotes

on Monday, November, 21, 2011 11:44 PM
"Hitler, you idiot! I said 'Pass the juice,' not 'Gas the Jews'! Go to your room and do the Dougie while Rickrolling!"


 
EXODUS
User

Posts: 430
RE: Funny Quotes

on Wednesday, May, 23, 2012 1:23 PM
"This is the most exciting place in the world to live. There are so many ways to die here".

(Dennis Leary on New York).



 
ShadowSpark
User

Posts: 2,871
RE: Funny Quotes

on Wednesday, May, 23, 2012 5:07 PM
Tigger: [as Pooh and the others try to pull him out of the gorge] "Look at the biceps on that bear. We don't deserve to dangle from the same precipice."
[Eeyore mutters as he tries to hold on to a root with his teeth]Tigger: "What's Donkey Boy saying?"
Eeyore: [releasing the root] "I said, 'Ouch.'" [realizing he's released the root, he and the others fall into the gorge]-Tigger and Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh: Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin

Owl: "He has gone to S-C-H-O-O-L!" [gasps] "Skull!"
Pooh: [in a funny voice] "Skull? What sort of place is that?"
Owl: On a scale of one to ten...it's not good.
-Owl and Pooh, Winnie the Pooh: Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin

"One for the money, two for the show, three because uh - uh, comes before four, and here we go!"
-Tigger, Winnie the Pooh: Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin

"That Owl. I knew Skull had another Y in it."
-Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh: Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin

"One Kilometer equals one thousand lometers." -Me


{A very big thanks to FlynnOne for the pic! And to Wulfeous for sharpening the details!*huggles both*}
{Because people always seem to guess wrong, I'm saying it here: I'm female!!! And my name is Spark!!!}

Letters sent to Disney regarding Tron Uprising: 4

Tron Lives!

If you're against bullying in all its forms, including cyber-bullying, copy and paste this into your profile or signature!
 
ShadowSpark
User

Posts: 2,871
RE: Funny Quotes

on Tuesday, July, 31, 2012 12:25 AM
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949


"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943


"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." -- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957


"But what ... is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968 commenting on the microchip.


"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977


{A very big thanks to FlynnOne for the pic! And to Wulfeous for sharpening the details!*huggles both*}
{Because people always seem to guess wrong, I'm saying it here: I'm female!!! And my name is Spark!!!}

Letters sent to Disney regarding Tron Uprising: 4

Tron Lives!

If you're against bullying in all its forms, including cyber-bullying, copy and paste this into your profile or signature!
 
KingJ.exe
User

Posts: 371
RE: Funny Quotes

on Tuesday, July, 31, 2012 11:20 PM
ShadowSpark Wrote:"Okay, this can function as a sonic blaster, a sonic cannon, and a triple-fold sonic disruptor. Doc, what you got?"
"I've got a sonic, er, never mind."
"What?"
"It's sonic, okay, let's leave it at that."
"Disruptor? Cannon? What?"
"It's sonic, totally sonic. I am sonicked *up*!"
"A sonic *what*?"
"*Screwdriver*!"
-- The Doctor and Captain Jack Harkness, Doctor Who, Episode #10 "The Doctor Dances"
YES! Another Whovian who will understand my Doctor Who references!

Everybody go join End of Line, an awesome TRON Roleplay forum! http://troneol.b1.jcink.com/index.php?
 
ShadowSpark
User

Posts: 2,871
RE: Funny Quotes

on Wednesday, August, 01, 2012 12:03 AM
KingJ.exe Wrote:
ShadowSpark Wrote:"Okay, this can function as a sonic blaster, a sonic cannon, and a triple-fold sonic disruptor. Doc, what you got?"
"I've got a sonic, er, never mind."
"What?"
"It's sonic, okay, let's leave it at that."
"Disruptor? Cannon? What?"
"It's sonic, totally sonic. I am sonicked *up*!"
"A sonic *what*?"
"*Screwdriver*!"
-- The Doctor and Captain Jack Harkness, Doctor Who, Episode #10 "The Doctor Dances"
YES! Another Whovian who will understand my Doctor Who references!

You're a Whovian too? *tackle-glomps KingJ.exe* I'm not alone!! *climbs off slightly-squished program* Err...sorry. Got a little over-excited there.

"Go, now, don't drop the banana!"
"Why not?"
[as if vitally important]"Good source of potassium!"
-- The Doctor and Captain Jack Harkness, Doctor Who, Episode #10 "The Doctor Dances"


{A very big thanks to FlynnOne for the pic! And to Wulfeous for sharpening the details!*huggles both*}
{Because people always seem to guess wrong, I'm saying it here: I'm female!!! And my name is Spark!!!}

Letters sent to Disney regarding Tron Uprising: 4

Tron Lives!

If you're against bullying in all its forms, including cyber-bullying, copy and paste this into your profile or signature!
 
KingJ.exe
User

Posts: 371
RE: Funny Quotes

on Wednesday, August, 01, 2012 8:29 AM
"I speak baby."
"You don't speak baby."
"I speak everything."

~The Doctor and Amy Pond, When a Good Man Goes to War.

Everybody go join End of Line, an awesome TRON Roleplay forum! http://troneol.b1.jcink.com/index.php?
 
ShadowSpark
User

Posts: 2,871
RE: Funny Quotes

on Thursday, August, 02, 2012 11:14 PM
"And your name?"
"General Staal, of the tenth Sontaran fleet. Staal the Undefeated!"
"Aw, that's not a very good nickname. What if you do get defeated? Staal the Not-quite-so-undefeated-anymore-but-never-mind?"
--The Doctor and General Staal, Doctor Who, Season 4, Episode 4 "The Sontaran Stratagem"


{A very big thanks to FlynnOne for the pic! And to Wulfeous for sharpening the details!*huggles both*}
{Because people always seem to guess wrong, I'm saying it here: I'm female!!! And my name is Spark!!!}

Letters sent to Disney regarding Tron Uprising: 4

Tron Lives!

If you're against bullying in all its forms, including cyber-bullying, copy and paste this into your profile or signature!
 
EXODUS
User

Posts: 430
RE: Funny Quotes

on Saturday, August, 04, 2012 7:10 AM
"Wagner’s music is better then it sounds".

(Mark Twain).



 
Kat
User

Posts: 2,338
RE: Funny Quotes

on Wednesday, August, 08, 2012 11:37 PM
EXODUS Wrote:"Wagner’s music is better then it sounds".

(Mark Twain).

Actually, this is true. I sometimes find new admiration for a piece of music that I may not be impressed with when I hear it... until I learn about how the composer built it (whether that learning is simply from being told about interesting techniques; following the score while listening; or deconstructing it by either learning all the parts, or simply studying the score in detail and seeing how it is all put together).

(Sorry, not funny. Just a geeky tangent.)


I've long liked Twain's humor (he's good at serious too, if you've ever read his story about Joan of Arc, the title of which completely escapes me at the moment). He's one of my favorite writers of humor, along with Oscar Wilde (I love The Importance of Being Earnest, especially).

What do you want? I'm busy.


Program, please!


Chaos.... good news.
 
EXODUS
User

Posts: 430
RE: Funny Quotes

on Wednesday, January, 09, 2013 12:20 PM
"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff".

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Patient: "Doctor, I keep haveing these high-and-low sugar rushes".

Doctor: "Your Bi-Cola".


 
ShadowSpark
User

Posts: 2,871
RE: Funny Quotes

on Sunday, January, 13, 2013 12:53 AM
This isn't a quote, but other science geeks should find it funny. I made it to make my mom laugh:




{A very big thanks to FlynnOne for the pic! And to Wulfeous for sharpening the details!*huggles both*}
{Because people always seem to guess wrong, I'm saying it here: I'm female!!! And my name is Spark!!!}

Letters sent to Disney regarding Tron Uprising: 4

Tron Lives!

If you're against bullying in all its forms, including cyber-bullying, copy and paste this into your profile or signature!
 
Murdock.dat
User

Posts: 80
RE: Funny Quotes

on Sunday, January, 13, 2013 1:51 AM
From Return to Zork:

A toast with Booz, as follows...

"Here's to us."
"Who's like us?"
"Damn few!"
"And they're ALL dead!"

(Haven't seen the whole thing, but I believe this quote also shows up in the movie Act of Valor)

"On the other side of the screen, it all looks so easy."
 
Kat
User

Posts: 2,338
RE: Funny Quotes

on Sunday, January, 13, 2013 2:58 AM
Actually, that's a Scottish toast.

Here's tae us--
Wha's like us--
Damn few--
And they're a' deid--
Mair's the pity!

What do you want? I'm busy.


Program, please!


Chaos.... good news.
 
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